13 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Bring Your Kids to Belize!

Belize Scores Big for Expat Families

As a parent, you’re zealous about monitoring what your kids see and do in today’s crazy world; it’s your job to help them steer clear of experiences that could damage them for life. We’re concerned too, and feel it only right that we inform you about reasons you should never bring your children here. Consider all of them and we’re sure you’ll agree that taking them on vacation to Belize is the worst idea you’ve ever had!

1. If you leave them home, you’ll protect them from having nightmares you’re pretty sure will result from taking them to Mayan hot spots were crystal skeletons, bones and creepy vestiges of Belize’s historical past await. You don’t want to expose them to ancient civilizations, right?

2. Dining out could be a horrific experience if you bring your children to Belize! This many tastes, smells and culinary sensations could, heaven forbid, turn them into mini-gourmands who refuse to eat frozen pizza and peanut butter once their palates are exposed our delicious and tasty foods.

3. Don’t let your kids anywhere near Belize’s bounty of marine wildlife. It’s ever so much more important to keep your kids in the dark about marine biology so they continue to grow up believing that Flipper, Nemo and Sponge Bob are real.

4. Leave your kids home with Grandma so they don’t witness endless tropical flowers, jungles, rainforests and beaches. It’s important to their world view that they continue to believe that city streets and tall buildings are superior to beaches and lush, green landscapes.

5. Avoid exposing your youngsters to different customs, languages, music and culture, because it’s important to make sure your children grow up believing that they’re the center of the universe and superior to everyone else on the planet.

13 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Bring Your Kids to Belize!


6. Showing your children animals in the wild could damage them forever. Why take a chance when a zoo at home can do a better job of educating them than visiting Belize animal reserves and sanctuaries where they learn about Belize’s efforts to protect and preserve indigenous wildlife?

7. Leave the children home to keep them safe from dangerous activities known to change a child’s perspective on life, like floating down languid rivers in a tube, zip lining, learning to dive or going boarding in a lagoon.

8. Never permit your kids to go on a fishing expedition, bring back a prize catch and have your resort chef cook it to order for your proud little fisherman. You wouldn’t want him to remember this poignant moment forever, would you?

9. By keeping kids at home when you visit Belize, you never have to worry about them playing in the ocean, swimming, laughing and having the time of their lives. As you wave goodbye, tell them you’re doing what’s necessary to prevent them from drowning!

10. By not bringing your children to Belize, you won’t have to expose them to friendly resort staff members who adore kids and have been trained to entertain and delight them so they return home in great spirits.

11. It’s important to keep your child away from Belize’s barrier reef, one of Earth’s most fragile and spectacular natural wonders. Seeing the reef first hand could make them consider a go-nowhere career, like marine biology, ecology or oceanography.

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  • ruben Reply

    May 30, 2017 at 10:45 am

    This is sensless…many people will just read the headline and they will make their decission not to come to belize…not everyone loves reading……lame

    • J Ayala Reply

      June 8, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      I totally agree with you. I had to read everything. My first impression was not good.

    • Toni Reply

      June 9, 2017 at 3:04 am

      Lame are those who don’t read.

  • Vanessa Reply

    June 8, 2017 at 7:57 pm

    Great article, but I’m glad I actually read it! Because by the headline, my face frowned when I read only the headline. Perhaps that’s the catch you read such headline and makes you curious as to why not to take your kids to Belize. Which once read you learn every bit of reason why you would totally want to take them.

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